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Sweet Dreams and All That Jazz by ~Speak-easy-Moonshine:iconSpeak-easy-Moonshine:



Sweet Dreams, and All That Jazz

Piano man in the corner,
Fingers waltz in Three Four,
Cigs lit dimly, cracklin’ in a tray.
Rhythm taps on the floor from shoes
And shoe laces. From tables spanked by hands.
From air bopped by peoples heads.
Chords strung out in rows,
Lines, dangling from rooftop
To jazz-top. Swingin’.

Bass layin’ a line in the side,
“can’t pass that”, she sings,
the broken chords thump-thumpin’
Beating my heart faster,
Slappin’ frets with thick wire,
The air of smoke bouncin’ from the low.
Cracklin’ lights matchin’ fingers
Sweepin’ ‘cross the board, breakin’,
Planting roots for the trees.

The trees sproutin’ into trumpets,
Matchin’ the sax with improv’,
Piercin’ my skin with it’s guided scales.
Back arched, moon man, pushin’ air
From his lungs, through the mouth, to the mouth,
Brewin’ blue batter with quick fingers.
Jazzin’ up the skylights,
Bringin’ it down, through the ground.
And it sings.

Sax man in front,
Spittin’ Blues from golden mouths,
Like Autumn leaves from dyin’ trees.
Trails of blue spittle dryin’ in our ears,
Soakin’ canals of indigo rivers.
That’s what I hear.
Lightin’ trails of leaves on fire,
Notes dancin’, embers burning footsteps
Into the ground of melodic motif.

Guitar’s dressed black,
Compin’ to snazz-jazz rhythms,
Quick chords matchin’ the pee-ah-no.
Pinstriped suit movin’ to the bass,
Sputterin’ the upper register,
Sparks of color emanate from struck strings.
Dancin’ figures below the stage,
Swingin’ from the swung notes,
Slidin’ from the legato voice.

Sticks hittin’ metal and plas-sticks,
Rhythm pullin’ all to it,
Air boppin’ to the Two Four and the One-two-three’s
Keepin’ the bee’s beats together,
Knees jumpin’ to the rhythmic patterns
And motifs of Spanish jazz beats.
Birdy patterns emerge from the times,
Swirlin’ round my head my arms,
Embracin’ me with sound.

Lady singin’ the tune.
“Sweet dreams”,
“Sweet dreams and all THAT jazz”.
Light breakin’ her figure on the floor,
Broken by her hair, by the fabric swayed by hips,
The stage stamped by high heeled free-time tappin’
“Oh baby, good night”
“Let moon beams shine,
your blankets doused in light”.

And I find myself singin’ along
To the blue jazz rhythm and beats,
From the nighttime streets and lights lyin’
Low to the ground, like the house we’re in.
Dim eyes dim lights hangin’ from cracked ceilings,
Down from light-bulbs on top of my head.
And I STILL find myself singin’,
To the beats. To the solos. To the improv’.
Spilling from their fingers into my welcoming mouth.


- Brian P.
:iconspeak-easy-moonshine:

Author's Comments

V2.

Took everyones comments from the older one [link] comments from my poetry reading friends, as well as my non-poetry reading friends, and threw it all into this. As stated in my first submission (which as you can notice is now a scrap), this poem is influenced by slam + beat poetry, as well as the obvious musical influences, aka Jazz. It's meant to be heard, rather than read, so if possible, try to read it out loud to yourself to get the best feel of it. I understand each person would read a poem differently, but it has a different feel that way.

And like always: Crits are very welcome, Comments are welcome, thanks for reading.

Comments


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:iconwhiteangelariah:
What a great effect! I keep on wantinbg to read it out loud to get a song.............you can almost hear it.............great work! ~^.^~

--
MOVED TO *white-angel-ariah SEE YA THERE! :wave:
:iconandalasur:
That's amazing! :wow: I'm totally there with the jazz band! I can't think of any criticism :D your powers of description and imagery are amazing.
:iconlwcldylan:
Love the jazz club feelin' haha Almost tells a story too.

--
Humanity=the only way.
Check out my DA page if you want: [link]
Check out my new website: [link]

-Dylan O.
:iconyesterdays-cause:
I definitely had to start reading this out loud, it really has a great jazz rhythm. It's got that lazy swing, but it's also got the quick crisp flow too. The imagery is wonderful, this poem leaves you feeling like you've just left a jazz club, one late night.

This was just plain fun to read, things like 'sticks hittin metal and pla-sticks' and 'swingin' from the swung notes' just make me want to dance.

I can't really offer you ways to improve this, because honestly, I like it as is. Wonderful!
:iconomniamutantur:
Nice job getting the feel you were going for. This isn't the sort of poetry I usually read, and not the type I write, but I envy you your ability to write a good slam piece. :)
:iconprincesszyrtec:
I haven't read much in the way of slam poetry, but your attention to the sense of sight AND sound created a tangible piece in this work. Did you ever see Fantasia? The illustrators attempted to create a visual rendition of sound. Well, I was able to hear the sound from your written rendition. I enjoyed the "lingo" of the jazz club very much - it gave your piece an authentic voice and I completely believe you know exactly what you are writing about. You do not dumb it down for your reader and I not only feel smart when I understand a reference, but appreciative when I learn something new. Well done.

--
"I'm the white sheep of a black sheep family - and my time has finally come" princesszyrtec
:iconanextraordinarygirl:
:faint: fantastic. truly. I loved your imagery expressed thru your active verbs, the way you punctuate words like "swingin,'" and your knowledge of this jazz scene is authentic and refreshing. This is not a form I write in, but I really like it! I've not read much slam poetry, but I couldn't stop reading it aloud to myself. Enthralling. Thank you, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! :winner:

:heart:

--
"I'm not gonna say anything inspirational; I'm just gonna fucking swear a lot." Billie Joe Armstrong
:iconoriginill:
phenomenal. it's like a painting that takes days to take in. a few repeats in certain phrases, but i'll assume that was on purpose as it works quite nicely. bravo.

--
my enemy said to me, "love your enemy."
and i obeyed him and loved myself. gibran
:iconxiccibanx:
Awesome, very sensual piece.

--
~Reality cannot not exist without fantasy~
[link]

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January 21, 2006
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